To Be Almost-5 Again...

Ahh to be a kid again! I love the joy and free spiritedness that this photo of Gabe captures, running through Flushing Meadows Park with a white balloon, dashing through trees and tall patches of grass.

With our recent trip to Texas, we were expecting lots of puzzled looks from Gabe, but he was so obsessed with the Thomas the Train tracks and huge toy room at the Weisbruch's that I don't think he noticed our absence on Wednesday, the day we had all of our appointments at the Rett Center. I've been keeping a good ear out, just incase he has any questions or insightful things to offer. Instead, I am reminded more and more that his world is very different from my own, and I often go to the place where I was when I was 5, and although I had a sense and awareness that my baby brother had doctors and therapies and surgeries, it wasn't odd for me. It was just a part of life, and I didn't suffer for it and I'm not damaged by it. I have such a love for my brother that words cannot describe. He's one of my heroes. And so is my mom.

I can only hope that Gabe can look back at this online diary of sorts and remember the great times we had and also see that we survived the difficult times. Together, as a family. It was one of our main reasons for bringing him to Texas with us. We wanted to go together, not leave anyone anywhere but with each other. I remember the trips I took to the special hospitals halfway across the country with my mom, Rob, Shaun and Kelli, and although we knew where we were heading, we made it fun along the way. There was a togetherness in the face of hardship. It gave me thick skin but a compassionate heart. I can only hope and pray that Gabe finds the silver lining, too. He is so special.

This evening at dinner, after Anna went into a treacherous coughing fit that demanded a fair share of time from both Manny and me, I asked Gabe if he thought Anna was sick a lot. "Yes," he said. "A lot." I asked him how that made him feel... Does it make you sad? Do you worry? You know you can talk to Mommy and Daddy about anything you are thinking, right?

And then Gabe totally wiped away my moment of seriousness with this little gem: "When Anna gets sick a lot, I just know she's taken care of. So, (shrugging his shoulders) it makes me just want to eat more."

Have I passed on my emotional eating traits to my almost-5 year old? Impossible!!