Sick. And Worried. And Worried Sick.

Poor Anna has been so weak, keeping down only Pedialyte through her tube for the past 4 days, and resting... But not sleeping... At least not enough compared to our (pretty normal) standards. The last few nights have been very rough, with her fighting sleep tooth and nail. Even now, with a new sleep medicine prescribed, she's still in there griping.

I just spoke with GI for the second time today.

Earlier, the first time around, our game plan seemed pretty positive. She had kept down some Elecare and our goal was to keep her on a very slow (1 oz. an hour) feed of it as long as she tolerated it. We hung up at 11, and by 12:30 she had thrown it all up... Placed another call to GI. Left a message. Lost my mind. Shed some tears. Changed the bedding. Gave a bath. Cursed and yelled. Calmed down. While I waited for a call back, I started her on Pedialyte again. She tolerates that fine.

He calls about an hour ago, and wanted to hold off on Elecare until tomorrow, and give it to her orally through a bottle in the morning. I cheated a bit (Mom's can do that, right?) and gave her 3 oz. orally tonight to see how she'd do. Her teeth grinding has been crazy and non-stop. It always worsens when she's hungry or uncomfortable. I am guessing those two things are pretty high up on her shit list after the last week. She has kept it all down. I'll reconnect her to the Pedialyte in a few hours to keep her hydrated overnight.

But the bottom line of all of this is, if she throws up any Elecare tomorrow, doctor's orders are that she has to be hospitalized and a GJ tube put in. This will bypass her stomach and take food right to her intestines.

I am a bit petrified of this, mainly because of the risk of it coming undone and infection. I asked GI if we could be tested for any viral infections first (gastroenteritis, etc.) to rule that out before blaming it all on reflux. I haven't been one much for prayer the last few days, so maybe I should start. I really want this to all go away. Pending she can hold down a bottle of Elecare tomorrow, we'll go in Friday morning for blood work; I have to bring in some stool for them to check it; and we'll go ahead with the endoscopy, which was already scheduled before all this happened anyway.

I am really sick to my stomach about all of this, and while she whines in her bedroom, I just want her to sleep. And hold down food. Not a lot to ask, right? I don't want to be admitted to the hospital. Not again.

I kept asking her with her Yes/No buttons if she wanted to go to the living room, watch t.v. with Gabe, hang out with mom, and everything was "No." I decided to set up Gabe's old t.v., which used to be my old t.v., which used to be my dad's old t.v., in her room, using her free stander and connecting the t.v. to an old DVD player I had from college. She picked Homeward Bound and that lasted for about 25 minutes when she rolled over. I asked her if she wanted me to turn it off, and she said, "Yes."

So in bed she lays... With random bouts of loud talking and high-pitched yells... And all I ask for is a decent night of sleep for the both of us, and a huge turnaround tomorrow.