Sleeping With One Eye Open

Quick! Hide the children! This photo may just be the scariest thing I have ever seen of myself. 

So, the "Miracle Baby" entry that was posted on Monday... Did that hold all of my loyal, avid readers over for this whole week? I think not. I am sorry for my absence. I am sure you can imagine all of the fun stuff I have been doing this week... It is 8:52 p.m. on a Friday night and all of the Gutierrez children (and their dad) are all tucked into bed. Mamma G is pretty tired herself - but thoughts, thoughts, thoughts! Racing through my mind. I've come back to the blog!       

For a quick share, I was complaining rather loudly yesterday about my kitchen floors, and for anyone who has visited the Gutierrez Palace knows that my floors are seriously, THE ENEMY. White ceramic tile!!! I sweep. I swiffer. I let dry. Five minutes later they look dirty again. (And I am a serious cleaner, I mean, when I get in the mood to just Clean! Clean! Clean! I really leave no spec of dirt unturned. I wish I got in this mood a little more often but I would seriously lose my sanity.) Anyway, I am digressing off topic. So here I am, complaining about my floors, because in the grand scheme of salvation they really mean something huge, right?

So Manny is doing the typical "husband nod" and probably not really listening but that's okay. They're kitchen floors. So Gabe walks in after watching an episode of "SpongeBob SquarePants" (I am acutely aware this isn't the most "age appropriate" show on television but when it starts promptly at 10 a.m. after Dora the Explorer on Nick Jr., I don't always arrive at the T.V. in time to turn it off.) So... Gabe comes in and says to me: 

"Are you a patty patty Mom?" 

A huh?

"A patty patty. Are you a patty patty Mom?"

Manny must have tuned back in to his surroundings as I hear his bellowing laughter in the other room. "He's asking if you are a CRABBY PATTY!"

What an astoundingly aware 3-year old. Well I guess if "Mom's bad moods" solicit being called a "Crabby Patty," well, I'll take Crabby Patty over any other description any day. 

As for the whole "sleeping with one eye open" bit, my former life is gone and out the window and I am At The Call Of Duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If I am not cooking, cleaning, bathing, changing a dirty diaper, breast pumping or feeding, than chances are I am done with the cycle only to begin repeating it again. Even when I sleep, it's as if my eyes know to be "on call" for when she awakes. The nighttime duties are done, essentially, with one eye open.

However, this type of "fast lifestyle" (which, I ironically envisioned quite a different meaning for myself a mere 5 years ago) is a bearer of good tidings. Forget "forgetting to eat," there is No Time To Eat! Thank the Lord for action-packed vitamins! But, because of this past time known as eating that I no longer get to enjoy quite as much, I will soon enough be writing an entry proudly announcing that I have re-entered a weight class I haven't seen in 3 years! I am ONE pound away of achieving this!

And after that, my goal will be my Wedding Weight, which I only have 5 more pounderoos (new term?) to drop before I can tote that trophy. My following goal is to then achieve my "When-I-Met-Manny" weight, and after that, my "Pre-Austria Weight." We'll see how it goes from there.

Birthing a second baby, a baby girl no less, has really prompted me to re-evaluate my health, my self-image, my everything. I want to be someone both of my kids can look up to and be proud of. And I think all of this has to start with me getting back to me, and me being someone I am proud of. I can't be proud of me when I am not taking care of me. 

For the last few years,I was this person who was hiding under layers of ... It wasn't even self-comfort. I was hiding from something. And I was focusing on everyone and everything but myself; on Gabe, on Manny, on my job, and then on things that were "so important" I can't even remember them now. So here I am, one pound away from this weight class I haven't seen in so long, and I can't wait to get on that scale and see that number. And like my outward appearance as much as my inner... I am totally one awesome gal, and I want to look it.

And I'm gonna keep on keepin' on!